I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
