Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
