TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
