eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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