Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
