____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
