he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
