so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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