Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
