i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
