I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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