She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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