Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I need moral support for this bender
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
