Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize