Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
