just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i drank out of a bidet.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
