I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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