Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
