Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Vodka?
Forever.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
