So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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