Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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