he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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