Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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