i need an iv and a liver transplant
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize