I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
