Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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