OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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