I haven't been this sober since birth.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
