last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
my poor anus
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
