i was born a porn star she said
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
there is glitter all over my balls
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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