I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
