And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
