Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
