Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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