I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
