i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
