**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we're making bets on your personal life
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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