you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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