Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize