i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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