mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
