Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
