his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Mom said you looked used
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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