i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
