Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm like, not good at living.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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