It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
