Umm I'm too high to move.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The power of my boobs compel you
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize