He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
