she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
