And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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