I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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