roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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