He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
