I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
