I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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