In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It's never too late to be topless.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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