I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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