I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
