there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
wow bdsm is so cute
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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