let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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