ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
