so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
