you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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