I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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