Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
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