Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
