i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
two words...techno handjob
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
