I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
