He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
