I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I have fence marks all over my body
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
