I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize