He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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