ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
