Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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