Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
