Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
