my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
