Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
