Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
