i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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