Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
