Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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