Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
