You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
