And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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