this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
