hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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