Your dad touched me again.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
