Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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