I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
