i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just found puke in my bra..
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
