she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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