Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
