You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
