mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
