I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
