you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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