So drunk its hurt
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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