The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
