Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
