I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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