sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
