My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
