do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
