even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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