I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
my poor anus
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
