omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
