Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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